Share this article: « Back to all articles

Wedding Speeches

A wedding speech is not a State of the Nation address. This means that if you're asked to give a wedding speech, don't treat it like you're speaking to an entire country.

First rule: Wedding speeches are brief and should last no more than three to four minutes, five minutes maximum, unless you've been asked specifically by the newly-married couple to deliver a longer one for the reception.

Do's and Don'ts for Wedding Speeches

Let's start with the "do's":

1. Do prepare. No matter how great you are as a public speaker, a wedding speech needs to be well thought of and delivered smoothly. The preparation here calls not only for what you're going to say, but also how you're going to say it. Practice before a mirror or ask a friend to listen to you. Request his comments. Ask him if your body language conveys positive impressions.

2. Do respect the feelings of others. We've seen it happen too many times. A speech giver wants to make the audience laugh and starts off with a joke. The thing is, it is a bad joke - the kind that makes invited guests squirm in their seats. What you say about the bride or groom must be well-received and should not embarrass them in any way. So before you crack a joke about anything or anyone, make sure it won't hurt their feelings. If you're not sure, don't say it.

3. Do be familiar with your audience. Again, people who give wedding speeches want to inject humor. If you don't know all of the invited guests, remove any parts in your speech that could be considered taboo. Religion, money and sex are taboo subjects. You might be hurting a Jewish guest if you make fun of the Jews, or you could be offending someone of the Muslim faith if you make fun of that group.

4. Do make eye contact. Be one with the guests and don't set yourself apart from them. Eye contact indicates that you're confident, mean what you say, and enjoy being part of the wedding party.

5. Do introduce yourself and tell the guests how you're related to the bride or groom. By saying you grew up with the groom and was his neighbor for 17 years or his dorm buddy for 4 years, the audience will want to hear what you have to say about him.

As for the don'ts:

1. Do not upstage the Master of Ceremonies. Know your place. You were asked to give a wedding speech, not to be the host at the reception. Do not try to hug the limelight or give the impression that you're in charge.

2. Don't read from a sheet of paper. A wedding speech is a very personal, very warm and a very intimate way of communicating with the invitees. You can carry a 3 x 5 index card with key words to prompt you, but don't read from a prepared text. It prevents you from making eye contact, and it doesn't fit in with the ambience at the reception.

3. Don't speak too loud. Adjust the microphone and make sure you're not tapping lung power to speak. Practice voice modulation and relax.

4. Don't drink too much alcohol before your speech. Being intoxicated, even slightly, demonstrates disrespect for the couple and their guests. Make sure you go up to the podium sober and stable. You could be embarrassing the audience if you're stumbling and mumbling. Slurred speech means you've been drinking too much.

5. Don't use fancy words and expressions. We've heard a lot of speech givers say "without much ado" or utter words that sound strange. You may be a scientist or a novelist, but don't show it off by saying words that people have to look up in the dictionary.

6. Don't express your opinions on controversial topics. In fact, the better advice is, don't express your opinions, period. Don't say what you think of right-to-life issues (abortion, euthanasia, etc) or comment on political situations or politicians. These kinds of statements have no place in a wedding.

7. Don't be nervous. If you're enjoying yourself it will show and the audience will warm up to you. If you're nervous and give the impression that you can't wait to get back to your seat, that too will show. Be yourself and take a deep breath. Smile often.