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Choosing the Music for Your Wedding

In my big Italian and Irish family, we do a lot of weddings and I can tell you a few things about your wedding day.

1. Your guests won't notice if the wedding party doesn't match.

2. If the food is fabulous, they'll still be talking about it years later. If it was dismal, no one will remember.

3. The wedding favors you spent weeks choosing will sit on a shelf in someone's china cabinet.

4. Everyone will remember Great-Aunt Mary getting up to dance the Macarena.

The D.J. or band that you choose for your wedding is, quite simply, one of the most important factors in how much fun your guests - and you - have at your wedding. Whether you choose a live band or a DJ, they'll be providing more than the music for your big day. A skilled wedding band or DJ will be putting on a show with you as the centerpiece, keeping the day moving along and making sure that your guests are entertained and having fun.

Since the music - or more specifically, the music provider - for your wedding reception plays such a big part in the day, it only makes sense to find a band or DJ that has the same idea of "wedding" as you do. Here are some tips and thoughts to help you choose the best band or DJ for your wedding day.

1. How important is the music to your wedding reception?

Or more specifically, what role do you want the music to play at your wedding? Do you want the band to provide dance music for your guests? Are you planning a reception where you only want 'background music'? Are there specific songs that are important to you and your spouse-to-be? Those questions will help you define what type of music provider you'll want to play at your wedding.

2. Are you planning on an emcee as well as a band?

At most traditional weddings, the bandleader also serves as emcee to keep the wedding moving along and ensure that your guests are kept entertained as the day moves along. If you're planning on following all the usual traditions - the introduction of the wedding party, the bride's dance with daddy, cutting the cake and all the rest - choosing a band or DJ with wedding experience can make your day run smoothly with everything happening just as you planned.

3. Ask for recommendations.

People do remember the band at weddings, even if they seldom remember the name of the band. Ask around among your friends and co-workers about weddings where they had an especially good time - and then ask if you can contact the bride to find out the name of the band. Don't forget that the community of bridal vendors is a tight-knit one; nearly anyone else that you deal with - cake designer, florist, wedding planner and venue host - will have a list of bands and DJs that they'll refer.

4. Ask for audition tapes.

After you've gathered a few names, contact the bands or DJs and request audition tapes. What you want to see, if possible, is a tape of them performing at a wedding. Remember, the music isn't really the most important thing here. You want to be sure that they play well, but what you really want to know is how they interact with the audience and what kind of energy they bring to the reception.

5. Be prepared with some questions.

When you first contact the bands and DJs, be prepared with a few questions to ask. The answers are important, but it's even more important to get a sense of how well you'll get along with the band. It's important to know how accommodating the band will be to your wishes and desires. One band that we interviewed for our wedding reception didn't know the song we wanted as our first dance - and tried to convince us that the song was a poor choice and they'd choose one that was far better. The band that we hired also didn't know the song, but they offered to work with me to find something else I liked, or step back so that we could dance to a recorded version of our song. It was less important to me to find someone who could play the song that I wanted for my first dance than it was that the band was willing to work with me to a mutually agreeable solution.

No matter what sort of music you choose for your reception, finding a band that will work with you on planning the right blend of music and chatter to keep your wedding flowing is a key element in making your big day a memorable one for you - and all of your guests.